Back to school

So we are only into day 3 of ‘back to school’ and I’ve been a ‘shit mum’ repeatedly since Monday.

This weeks epic fuck ups have included:

Leaving 2 coats worth £60 on the pavement because I was too busy trying to convince a 2 year old it’s ok to piss in a bush before we got back in the car. I remembered the next morning on the school run when we were getting bruised from the hail stones and I couldn’t find them.

Had the morning from hell psyching Tallulah up for her swimming lesson at school where she cried (hyperventilating sobs where she nearly hurled into her weetabix) from 7.15am-9.55am that she didn’t want to go only to get to there and be told that her lessons don’t start until May.

I gave Betsy no dinner money then remembered at 2pm when I was gorging on my own lunch at my desk so I had a melt down that she would either starve to death or be bullied for being poor.

Felt extra punctual and got the kids to school nice and early today – to remember on arriving I’d totally forgotten to collect my nephew on the way as promised.

I’ve done my usual – felt guilt, a load of rage and the usual feeling of being a totally shit parent; but then I thought…

A shit parent doesn’t discipline their daughter before school for being an absolute horror then burst into tears in the car the minute you’ve watched her walk through the school gates because you think you were too hard on her – and meanwhile she doesn’t give it a second thought for the rest of the day.

Shit parents don’t stand in the rain in the freezing cold through winter every Sunday morning to watch their son play football then reassure him how amazing he was for the whole journey home despite him throwing a horrific tantrum because he didn’t score enough goals whilst he’s covering your clean car in mud.

A shit parent doesn’t feel like they’re failing because they’ve not read their child’s school book every night of the week or practised their spellings and there’s a chance they could have done better in that test if you had of.

A shit parent doesn’t sit in a meeting with a lump in their throat because they just couldn’t get the time off work to wear a high vis vest and help on the school trip to the zoo.

Shit parents don’t feel shame because their kids have eaten macdonalds more than twice in a week because they were just too exhausted to even think of what to cook for tea let alone make it.

All these things that make you feel like you’re being a shit parent actually means you’re an amazing parent – because you’re doubting yourself.

Shit parents don’t doubt themselves.

I’ve decided it’s actually ok whether your babies are full of chicken nugget happy meals or roast dinner and veg. It doesn’t really matter whether they know the difference between ‘their, there & they’re’ when they are only 6 – there’s plenty of time for them to learn.

Remember they needed that telling off before school – they’ll thank you for it later when they have their own house and don’t leave their dirty laundry and dishes lying all over the place….
One day when he grows up to be a father himself coaching his son on a Sunday morning he will remember that it was you who stood on his sideline.

So this afternoon I finished work, I collected my kids – one of them then managed to put their foot through THE LARGEST pot of double cream in the back of the car – I drove straight to have it cleaned – I then had to explain to the guy (who spoke absolutely no English) that I had no money and try and make him understand I’d return after I’d been to the cash point – he looked like he wanted to end his life after looking inside the car and I had my usual lump of ‘I’m about to cry with anger’ in my throat.

Instead of losing my shit which I was on the verge of doing I just thought fuck it – and took my babies to the park then we ate massive Ice creams just before tea.

As I sat there with my double honeycombe sugar waffle beast with a flake I decided….so fucking what that my brand new car is going to smell of sour cream all summer – so what that it’s been another week of kid drama – as long as our babies are fed, clean, loved, happy & not the spawn of Satan most of the time we must be doing something right – let’s not be so hard on ourselves 💜


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