Manchester…

Last night I felt butterflies of anxiety in my tummy.
I climbed out of my bed and into Betsy’s…
At the exact same time that I pulled her body into mine somebody’s child was murdered.
As I sniffed the back of her neck and kissed her shoulder a parent was about to learn that their child was in a place where an attack had taken place.
At the same time I stroked her white hair, studied her fingernails and swallowed the lump of worry in my throat over twenty families lives had just been destroyed, forever.

Despite her now being so much bigger than me I fell asleep with her cradled in my arms like I used to when she was a tiny baby telling myself that tonight when she leaves to fly to America for two weeks with my sister she will be fine.
Nothing bad will happen, she will be safe and she’s with people who love her and protect her like I do.

And we do that don’t we? Our children grow and we have to give them that independence. We make ourselves believe they’ll be ok and we agree to let them out of our grasp to explore the big wide world.
But we question it. We question if we’re being irresponsible parents or if we’re not doing the right thing.

Tonight, Tallulah got home and needed to share her anxiety and upset after learning about the attack from her friends at school..and I didn’t have the answers she needed from me, her mummy.
I don’t know who would want to murder innocent children.
I don’t know if the missing people will be found alive and well.
I don’t know why they would target one of her idols concerts which they’d have known would be packed full of innocent beautiful babies.
I don’t know why there is a little girl named Saffie, who is exactly the same age as her , who’s happy smiling picture has been plastered all over the media has been killed…
..and I cant promise her it won’t happen again…

…but what I did tell her is that we mustn’t stop.
We must still go and see Little Mix in concert because it’s all she’s ever wanted…
We must still go and visit our family this Christmas as we planned in that same very city….
And we must continue to plan & book and not be frightened and continue with our lives.

My parents are Mancunians, they’re best friends are my extended family, Aunties and Uncles & their children are my cousins.
One thing I know about being raised around the people here is they love, they love so hard, they’re kind, honest people and their loyalty is fierce. Letting they bomb off in their city will only make them unite more and fight even harder.

Since beginning this page only last year I’ve learned the good outweighs the bad.
People from all over the world have rallied together like I’ve never seen, to help people they’ve never even met, just on me simply asking.
There is more love than evil in this world and life is so precious. We must cherish it and carry on. We have to.

Today my heart has broken for the families affected, I have sobbed whilst looking at images of teenage girls, children and devastated fathers.
There are now parents who have to continue living a life without their babies and there are children who last night witnessed something that has stolen a part of their childhood which was never anyone else’s to steal.

I have just kissed my eldest daughter goodbye, and whilst watching her hug her baby sisters as she left everything in my body wanted to stop her from leaving but I can’t and I won’t. I will pray that she stays safe and that she returns with nothing other than amazing memories that will last a life time, because that’s all any of us want for our babies and that’s what they deserve 💙

#ManchesterAttack #ManchesterMissing

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