My darling Edie

My darling Edie,

Hopefully by the time you’re old enough to read this post you’ll be old enough to understand why you have just cried yourself to sleep in this picture.

Your blotchy red arms, tear stricken face and the way you make little sobbing noises in your sleep is as horrid for me to sit here & watch as it is for you get like.

You see right now in your almost 3 year old mind you don’t understand why I can’t give you everything you want.

You think I’m being cruel when I tell you that you can’t watch frozen for the second time in a row because we have to leave to take your sisters to school.

You lose the will to live that you can’t wear your Elsa dress and crown for the third day in a row because it’s full of bolognaise from last nights tea and desperately needs to be washed.

You don’t understand why I won’t allow you to eat that fruit winder just before your dinner.

I’m going to have to just roll with that horrendous outburst on the floor in Asda because I know it will be better than the behaviour you will display if I buy you that bright blue sour sweet spray packed with E numbers you’re screaming that you want.

You’re going to have to do 2 minutes on the naughty step because I cannot allow you to attack your siblings the minute you walk in from nursery because they don’t answer all your ridiculous demands immediately.

You don’t see that I’m protecting you when I won’t let you play with all the big kids on the street because you’re just too tiny right now.

I don’t want to wrestle to get you into the bath every night and brush your teeth because you’re overtired – I’m doing it out of love to keep you clean.

I know you detest sharing your toys with Maddie when she comes over to play but she is your best friend and when I discipline you for not doing this it’s because I’m making you a nicer person.

I get that you’re only little and you don’t understand when you wake up before 6am you’ll be on meltdown by 8am but when I try and put you back to bed I’m only doing it so you have a better day.

You see Edie, it’s my job to be your protector….and fortunately for you – you were born with the same spirit and fight as your eldest sister – so this to me is like history repeating itself; because of that I know you’re going to be just fine in life – you just need a little help and guidance from me along the way.

That means we are going to constantly face these battles.

As much as I could give you all of these things you demand – it would lessen your tantrums because you got everything you want and in turn it would make my life easier in that instant, but I have to look at the bigger picture and ultimately the person you will turn into in the future will be down to the way I raise you right now.

So by me allowing you to storm off to your room when I refuse your requests – causing that hideous tantrum where you ended up climbing into your bed & falling asleep within 30 seconds because again I was right earlier when I said you desperately needed that nap I tried to put you down for at 12pm that you refused because you were adamant you weren’t tired.

So I will now hit ‘submit post’ and I will pop my phone back on the worktop then I will wait for you to wake up & come back to the freezer for the 3rd time today and demand your second fruit pastel lolly – which I will refuse – because I don’t want you to have rotten teeth and be as high as a kite from the sugar. I do these things because I want what’s best for you – not because I’m out to ruin all your fun which is what you see in your beautiful little mind.

And this will continue, these wars you declare with me, until you come of age to see that all the time you thought I was doing you wrong I was actually doing you right.

I love you ridiculous amounts – forever and always.

Mummy ❤️

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2 comments

  1. There was so much I wanted to write in this comment, how much I can relate, and pour my heart out of my own struggle, but I’ll just stick to, thank you! This made me realise that I’m not alone when I feel like I’m being a bad mum, when I’m actually doing the best job I can! I’m making my son a better person, it’s something to be proud of! X

  2. Don’t your just love it when you tell your kids ” you need an early night”
    And they scream tired tears back ” I don’t, I’m not tired” and they are in mid-hulk transformation!

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