Today in-between work meetings I stopped at Tesco to grab some lunch….I might have been losing my shit on the phone to a contractor, slightly too loud, with the window down, when a brand new white Audi 4×4 pulled up alongside me…
….out got a pristine lady…platinum blonde hair no roots, with this seasons mulberry hooked on her arm, immaculate nails, Chanel sunnies….she proceeded to put her beautifully dressed sleeping toddler twins into their designer double buggy where they stayed asleep.
She got her ‘bag for life’s’ out the boot and sauntered into the supermarket.
My head ‘How the fuck does she do that? Why haven’t I got a brand new Audi or mulberry when I’ve worked my ass off for 20 years? Why didn’t her kids wake up and kick off? Why can I NEVER remember my shopping bags? I bet she will go home and bake…I bet she enjoys baking. Why can’t I enjoy baking? How does she have such lush nails? I look like a bastard builder. Why are my roots black. Again? For fuck sake’
I went in after her for a sandwich & bought £20 of shit that I didn’t need, I got to the self-checkout as she was leaving….I noticed she had left had her card in the machine so I ran after her….
When I gave it to her she took my hand in hers and said
“You know I used to be you once….I miss my career so much and the buzz it gave me. When I saw you on your phone and watched you rushing for your lunch it just made my heart go….i felt a pang of jealousy that I’ll never have that again….I love my babies but sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in nappies and milk and baby sick and shopping and cleaning….and if I have to watch Mr fucking Tumble again today I’ll cry….Do you think I’m an appalling mother?”
How I giggled….I told her the reason I was sweating whilst I was talking to her is because I can’t remove my cardigan because my 2 year old sneezed green snot & weetabix all over me as we were (already late) leaving this morning…I’ve cried once today before 11am because I didn’t have time to stop on the way to school and get my 7 year old a snack and then had a panic attack she would starve to death whilst all her friends surrounded her in the playground tucking into home baked flapjack which their organised mothers had wrapped in baking paper….my sink is still full of this mornings weetabix-cement covered cereal bowls and the thought of what to make for dinner when I walk in from work at 6pm is already making me want to commit….
All I wanted 15 minutes earlier was to be just like this woman yet the realisation after speaking to her is that we’re all the same…yes some have expensive handbags or newer cars, but our struggles with parenthood are pretty much identical.
Another lesson learned ❤️